Feeling tired

[zippy1]

Been bustin' my balls the last few weeks trying to get everything ready for winter, I know, who's fault is that? Started another project that I knew I wasn't going to be feeling up to putting 100% into it at this stage of the game. (original) Started out with great expatiations.
The 1650 dual sticks got me ready to make some drastic decisions coming up soon. Biggest factor is my shoulders aren't what the once were. Being both rotator cuffs are torn, left more so than right. Had it done once already and got a year and a half worth of relief till I tore it again. Last time they ground out some bone to give it more room, little relief.
Not looking for pitty, just needing to vent and a bunch of sh@$ that's got all balled up inside, and needs to come out.
First time I had the rotator done I was dependent on someone for eight weeks. Being in a chair there ain't much your going to do with no balance and two useless legs and a hand that won't hold a bold, no dexterity in my right hand.
Sure, something I can make look easy, when in fact it took a better part of a day to accomplish.
My buddy Randy is in a nursing home right now rehabbing from the same procedure. Looking at least six months before he will be able to care for himself independently. Transfers, personal care, getting in and out of bed, getting dressed without help, been there done that.
Back in 85 when I broke my neck they (Dr.s and staff) pushed you to make everything possible, "no pain, no gain" bullshit is what I say now. Now they try to get you in a power chair, so when you get to this age you have something left to get you through your journey.
On the average a person who's been in a chair 20 years or more can add on the average 12-13 years to their age, man that's uplifting
So lately been trying to pick my battles with the tractors, but just when you think you've got it under control some SOB comes along and ruins your plans.
So today I picked up everything related to the Original face lift. Put everything I could in Ziploc bags so I DON'T FORGET WHAT'S WHAT and packed it up against the wall.
I do everything pretty much alone on these tractors, and truly consider it therapeutic, but sand in the hour glass is getting empty. And lately reality is setting in.
But denial is powerful. Why do you think I went on a buying spree the last few weeks, neither tractor will I be using, but just had to have them.
The thing that's pushing me over the edge is most likely having to have the surgery and recoup in a nursing home for the care, and not being able to do what I used to be able to accomplish on my own, I know that's true for everyone sooner or later, but I never thought the end would come up this way...
Thanks guys for listening to my ramblings. You truly are a great bunch and I've enjoyed the comradely. Helps me to get something's off my chest.
Enough of my rambling, carry on.

[R Bedell]

I am wishing things turn out for the best for you.

[Sam Mac]

Todd

I read that twice. I can only imagine what you are dealing with. I had a rotator cuff done a few years ago and I know what the deal is. I'm not sure I could deal with 2 at the same time. Prayers go out to you and Nancy my friend.

[Shotgun Wedding]

Well, I cannot imagine what you've gone through but can only imagine what you may say to me in a similar way.

You may say, "Grit your teeth again, you will get through it man."

Best of Luck Todd, it ain't F'in over until it's F'in over.

[Steve149]

Todd my thoughts and prayers go out to you.

[ACecil]

You're in my thoughts and prayers, buddy!

[darryljs]

Hey, Todd.
If venting makes you feel better, then vent. I'm sure all the people on here don't mind. They got to know you and Nancy and would jump in to help you if they could. I haven't been on this forum that long, but I see your not one to give up, roll over and quit. I have a brother-in-law who is in a wheel chair and has shoulder problems also and I know what you guys are up against. I admire you for what you do with these tractors, because I know it's a lot of hard work. Sooooo, take a break, relax, look at what you've accomplished, the friends you've made on this site and at home, and the woman you married and what you have. Be proud ,my friend, you are to be commended for what you have done. .

[jimbob200521]

Todd,

I can only imagine what you're going through. I know from personal experience that looking independence can be one of the hardest things to go through, and unfortunately it does come for all of us at one point or another. But it seems like you are handling it the way I want to think I will one day: grit your teeth, saddle up, and get through it. Good luck to you sir, I wish you all the luck in the world