Paraprosdokians

[ol'George]

PARAPROSDOKIANS: (Winston Churchill loved them.)

Here is the definition:

"Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or
phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous
situation." "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of
paraprosdokian.

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his
level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not
putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from
many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is
where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted
paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down
the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall
of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a
parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone
down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call
whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there's relatives.

[Terry C]

LOL! I liked the skydiving one.

[Oak]

Good one George.

[DeltaCub]

OCC needs a new section called "What's On ol' George's Mind Today? or Wisdom and Witticisms By ol' George...Maybe even What Would ol 'George Say about That?

[ol'George]

Originally Posted by DeltaCub

OCC needs a new section called "What's On ol' George's Mind Today? or Wisdom and Witticisms By ol' George...Maybe even What Would ol 'George Say about That?

I can't take credit for these, I just cut and paste.
On some days, they even let me have crayons, as long as I don't draw/color on the walls.

[DeltaCub]

Originally Posted by ol'George

I can't take credit for these, I just cut and paste.
On some days, they even let me have crayons, as long as I don't draw/color on the walls.

Are they treating you badly at the home again? And remember....Don't run with scissors!

[ol'George]

I don't run with the skizzers but i did cut one leg off off that young nursie's slacks @ the knee while she busy on the smarty fone Ha,Ha.
That'll teach her to talk while working.
But I try hard to be nice.
My mother always said I was the most trying child she ever had, but she was biased as she never had any children that lived,
I'm just a figment of your imagination.
I just showed up in her hospital bed one morning.
The Doctor picked me up by my widdle legs, looked a minute and then slapped my mother.
Now thats my story and I'm stickin' too it.